Shelo asani ishah/who did not make me a woman
I don't remember how I managed to mention, at our recent Tikkun Lel Shavuot, the controversial b'rachah/blessing, found in Orthodox siddurim/prayer books, "Praised is [the One who] did not make me a woman." But I do know that the traditional explanation that I was given by a fellow congregant--that men thank HaShem for the privilege of being obligated to perform more mitzvot than women--got on my nerves. And since I'm still annoyed, I might as well blog about it.
Rabbi Eliyahu Fink has taken care of the traditional explanation quite nicely here:
"Chief Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks offers this explanation:
…they are acknowledgments of the special responsibilities of Jewish life. Heathens, slaves and women are exempt from certain commandments that apply to Jewish men. In these blessings, we express our faith that the commandments are not a burden but a cherished vocation
In other words, the blessing is an affirmation that extra commandments are a privilege. Well, why doesn’t everyone have this privilege?
It is easy to see why the blessing is an affront to many women. It implies inferiority at worst or less opportunity at best. It could be argued that just because Judaism has some specific roles for men and women does not mean it deserves a blessing to that effect. I completely understand why some find it offensive."
[Lest I misrepresent this Orthodox rabbi, I should mention that he also adds:
"Rabbi Kanefsky’s feelings about the blessing are justified. His actions are what are subject to scrutiny. His feelings are not."]
Let's try this from a different angle.
Would anyone expect a black person to be any less offended when a non-black person uses "the n word" simply because the non-black person explained that that word was derived from foreign words meaning "black?"
Bottom line: If it looks like a duck and it walks like a duck and it quacks like a duck, it's a duck, darn it, and I'm fed up to here with men telling women that we're not supposed to be insulted when they thank HaShem for not having made them female. Who is anyone to tell anyone else what to consider an insult? No one needs permission to feel offended.
Gentlemen, it's not your place to tell women not to be offended by this b'rachah anymore than it would be my place, as a white person, to tell a black person not to be offended by the n word. It's up to each individual Jewish woman to decide for herself whether this b'rachah is an insult or not.
Friday, June 22, 2012 update: See Susan Esther Barnes's post regarding this b'rachah.
Rabbi Eliyahu Fink has taken care of the traditional explanation quite nicely here:
"Chief Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks offers this explanation:
…they are acknowledgments of the special responsibilities of Jewish life. Heathens, slaves and women are exempt from certain commandments that apply to Jewish men. In these blessings, we express our faith that the commandments are not a burden but a cherished vocation
In other words, the blessing is an affirmation that extra commandments are a privilege. Well, why doesn’t everyone have this privilege?
It is easy to see why the blessing is an affront to many women. It implies inferiority at worst or less opportunity at best. It could be argued that just because Judaism has some specific roles for men and women does not mean it deserves a blessing to that effect. I completely understand why some find it offensive."
[Lest I misrepresent this Orthodox rabbi, I should mention that he also adds:
"Rabbi Kanefsky’s feelings about the blessing are justified. His actions are what are subject to scrutiny. His feelings are not."]
Let's try this from a different angle.
Would anyone expect a black person to be any less offended when a non-black person uses "the n word" simply because the non-black person explained that that word was derived from foreign words meaning "black?"
Bottom line: If it looks like a duck and it walks like a duck and it quacks like a duck, it's a duck, darn it, and I'm fed up to here with men telling women that we're not supposed to be insulted when they thank HaShem for not having made them female. Who is anyone to tell anyone else what to consider an insult? No one needs permission to feel offended.
Gentlemen, it's not your place to tell women not to be offended by this b'rachah anymore than it would be my place, as a white person, to tell a black person not to be offended by the n word. It's up to each individual Jewish woman to decide for herself whether this b'rachah is an insult or not.
Friday, June 22, 2012 update: See Susan Esther Barnes's post regarding this b'rachah.
posted by Shira Salamone at 4:04 PM
21 Comments:
You're not Orthodox. your movement changed the liturgy years ago. Get over it. You don't have a voice or a say in what Orthodox Jews say, since you ain't one.
And you're argument about the N word is incoherent.
I don't think that my "n word" argument is incoherent.
As to the rest, JDub, it's true that I'm not Orthodox and that my Conservative Movement changed the liturgy years ago. But while I'm not Orthodox, I'm still a Jewish woman, and I think I *do* have a voice in what Jewish men say about Jewish women.
Clearly you do not. Freedom of speech and religious expression allow people to issue prayers that they like and you cannot stop them. Your lack of ecclesiastical authority in American Orthodox Judaism gives you no say in changing contemporary Orthodox Jewish practice.
Of course you have a right to be offended. You have a right to be offended for any reason, as stupid and pointless as it is, and you can be offended, it's part of freedom.
But the suggestion that you have a voice in what other people say because it would offend you betrays a total lack of understanding what freedom means.
Okay, maybe freedom of speech and religious expression trump offense. Point made. I'll take that into consideration.
On the other hand, Miami Al, you said "Your lack of ecclesiastical authority in American Orthodox Judaism gives you no say in changing contemporary Orthodox Jewish practice." In this case, my being non-Orthodox is completely irrelevant--since the Orthodox community has no female rabbis, *no* woman has ecclesiastical authority in American Orthodox Judaism. As an older feminist who hopes to see a vibrant Jewish community inheriting my place, I would hope that that situation might improve as more Orthodox women become learned enough to be qualified to "pasken" (make binding decisions regarding halachah/Jewish religious law). Why should such a privilege and responsibility be confined to non-Orthodox women? In my opinion, the Jewish world will not survive without a vibrant Orthodox community.
To be honest, I think you overstate the ability to "pasken" in Orthodoxy, since your only involvement is on the Internet.
Locally Rabbis have limited authority, as people contact their Rosh Yeshiva in Israel for several years after their year in Israel, and by the time they've stopped doing that, they've stopped running into questions that require a p'sak.
While people can go to their LOR, the LOR is either going to answer them quietly, in which case it is in a more pastoral sense then a formal p'sak, it's going to be as a spiritual advisor.
The Orthodox world is in it's own process of imploding, as the world shrinks faster than it can adapt. Given that there seem to be plenty of Shomer Mitzvot/Orthodox Jews, something will replace the void, but the void is coming.
The economic collapse from the exploding educational costs, family size, and declining income is going to come to create tremendous pressures on families to move right into a society that they can afford. The shrinking world with instant global communication is simply something that "breaks" Orthodoxy... the core of Orthodoxy since it's formation 200 years ago has been local custom and the authority of the local Rabbi. The rapid collapse of the Orthodox world from WW2 threw it into a weird transitional state in the United States where it built schools and pretended to adopt the "custom of your father" while replacing customs with a new American Minhag. The rise of the Internet has resulted in a new "super Rabbi" cropping up with wide ranging authority.
A local Rabbinic authority may "lead" his people but only with the consent of the governed, people not liking it can withhold financial support, keeping the Rabbi in check. National/International Rabbis are a whole new animal.
My poorly made point is that at this point, the only Rabbis with the ability to Pasken and have it matter is a handful of people, that are all men. Creating a quasi-Rabbinic role for Modern Orthodox women will have zero impact on it, since Modern Orthodoxy is ceding the authority to Pasken to Hareidi Rabbis anyway, which results in a mismatch between laity and Rabbis, and results in lay members simply ignoring the Rabbis.
"A local Rabbinic authority may "lead" his people but only with the consent of the governed, people not liking it can withhold financial support, keeping the Rabbi in check. National/International Rabbis are a whole new animal."
Ouch. Good luck with that.
"Creating a quasi-Rabbinic role for Modern Orthodox women will have zero impact on it, since Modern Orthodoxy is ceding the authority to Pasken to Hareidi Rabbis anyway, which results in a mismatch between laity and Rabbis, and results in lay members simply ignoring the Rabbis."
Double ouch. I presume the pain is felt on both sides of the mechitzah.
Whatever happened to the old days when everyone in the Orthodox community relied on his/her "LOR" (Local Orthodoxy Rabbi)? Granted that if you ended up in the wrong neighborhood (that is, you and your rabbi didn't see eye to eye on much) for financial, family, and/or other reasons, you were out of luck. But at least the rabbi knew who he was talking to. Going to a rosh yeshiva who doesn't know you or to an out-of-town (or out-of-country) rabbi with a sh'ela/halachic question and expecting an answer that you can live with is like getting married by a rabbi who barely met you before your wedding day. Cookie-cutter weddings are bad enough, but cookie-cutter t'shuvot (responses to questions regarding halachah) are even worse.
The same thing that happened to the local milk delivery man, the local semi-pro sports team, the local "general store" and lots of things that used to exist and don't.
Progress, communications, and move efficient delivery mechanism.
Urban liberals may decry "main street destroying Wal-mart," but cheaper consumer goods has let Americans live decent lives in a globalized world.
I mean, we can complain about the lack of a "local banker" who knows you and your family for a mortgage, but few will complain about the dirt cheap rates you can get because the middle-man commission is a tiny mark-up. That local banker made a lot of money and was a rich man in town, the new application processing clerk is an entry level position and can write 5x the mortgages.
The LOR was a significant part of Jewish life, just like the milkman was a significant part of the dairy delivery system. At this point, it is simply less important.
A 24 law student living in an apartment near his college has no need for a LOR for the 3 years that they are in law school, same with all the various other transitionary people. The people that establish roots in a community, raise their families there, etc., just don't have much in the ways of issues that require a p'sak. I'm not saying that there are none, it's just not that big a deal anymore.
You're settled into your life, your career, etc., and if you've built a good relationship with the Rabbi, you turn to him for counseling more than you turn to him for a legal ruling.
I won't say that there is none, it just stops being important.
A certain conservative Rabbi, whose name I do not recall, but he teaches and JTS and wrote Sage Tales, once told this story:
He was doing some interfaith work with a Muslim congregation in a venue that he new better than the Imam did. The time had come for prayers and the Imam asked him which way was east.
As he related this to us he quipped that it was the first time anyone had asked him for a ruling.
Miami Al is correct when he states "if you've built a good relationship with the Rabbi, you turn to him for counseling more than you turn to him for a legal ruling."
As for me - I think you devote entirely too much energy into living by the rules of a community that would never let you do things you value. And I don't mean modern Orthodoxy when I say that, because you seem to want to abide by rulings that I suspect most MO communities simply set aside as Narrishkeit - like the whole bugs on vegetables thing.
I think the Conservative/Masorti movement should adopt a new slogan:
"We Eat Broccoli!"
And as the communities that don't eat Broccoli look around them for some new thing to forbid, remember too, that when one enters Olam Haba, one is not only assessed for the forbidden things of which one partook, but also for the permitted things which one refused to partake.
As for the initial quibble - well Shelo Asani Isha is their custom, it is a custom that is abhorrent to you, and that marks them in ways that mean you would not fit in their community.
I think that you need to accept the fact that whatever these people are practicing, it is not Judaism as you understand it, and therefore does not have any authority over your practice.
Oh, and this is RBT, I've been posting anonymously because Google has made actually logging in more of a bother than I am willing to deal with.
Miami Al, I guess I miss the corner store. :)
I guess maybe a more up-to-date approach would be to hope for more female Rashei Kehillah, Community Scholars, Marot (grammar?) d'Atra, Maharatot (grammar?), and even, perhaps someday, more Rabbot in the Orthodox community to add a woman's voice for those seeking counseling and advice, as well as the rarer p'sak (official and binding ruling on a question regarding halachah/Jewish religious law).
RBT = Reform Baal T'shuvah? So nu, if it's too much of a pain to log in, just sign your comments, please. I prefer names/blogger names to Anonymi.
"I think the Conservative/Masorti movement should adopt a new slogan:
"We Eat Broccoli!"
:)
" . . . Shelo Asani Isha is their custom, it is a custom that is abhorrent to you, and that marks them in ways that mean you would not fit in their community."
That and their discomfort with my insistence on wearing tallit and tefillin. I've gotten some grief in the past for trying to find an Orthodox synagogue in which such behavior would not be deemed offensive, the claim being that I'm trying to impose non-Ortho practices on Ortho shuls. So they're "marked" in more than one way that means that I would not fit in their community.
What I think you don't get since your limited exposure to the Orthodox community is via the Internet and the fishbowl that is NYC is how little the rest of the Orthodox community thinks of "rabbot" "maharatot" and all that other stuff. I belong to a large Mod Orth shul "out of town" and let me tell you, 95% of our community would break away if there was ever the suggestion that we would have a "rabba". It might even be higher. This isn't a trend, it's not a wave. It's one man (Avi Weiss), a very small number of women, none of whom will find gainful employment outside the one or two communities in NYC that would do such a thing.
And you don't get a vote a say or anything in our community. It's not because you wear a tallis and t'fillin. It's because you don't affiliate with us (other than to bash us on your blog). For that matter, you don't really affiliate with anyone. You've got the shul you don't like that you go to, and an idealized shul that you would love to go to, but have countless reasons (real or otherwise) why you can't.
jdub
Second jdub's comments.
I think it is courageous what Rabbi Avi Weiss is doing, and I wish him luck, because when the current MO institutions collapse (like is happening now to Conservative Institutions), he'll have hopefully built a new replacement infrastructure there.
I remember a talk with one of the first ordained women to help women with Taharat Hamishpacha. She gave a wonderful talk, talked about what a moving experience she had, but she worked, professionally, in some other field. There simply isn't employment opportunities for people like that, except in NYC with so many people in a small area that small differences are blown out of proportion.
There is no employment for "ordained" women Rabbi-types in Modern Orthodoxy. Honestly, there isn't much employment for men either. There are more REITS graduates than job openings, and it's getting worse, so we have REITS graduates with a 8 years of post-secondary education needing to go to law school after finding work for a few years and figuring out what to do.
In terms of a "woman to go to" for these things, honestly, for what purpose? I really can't think of any women that would benefit from this.
There are Orthodox women I know that have concerns, there concerns center around:
1. Marital problems
2. Financial problems
3. In-law problems
None of their concerns involve needing a woman's perspective on matters of Halacha. If they need a religious woman to turn to, they don't need a posek, they need a woman to talk to... A Rebbetzen, Mikvah Lady, or simply a sympathetic Orthodox woman is fine. Just what do you think Modern Orthodox women do that involves needing lots of Shilahs?
Birth Control: Nobody Modern Orthodox asks (except newlyweds back from their year in Israel and gung-ho on Rabbinic authority) -- seriously, I don't know a single person that seems to have too many kids and gives a "Hashem gives me children" kind of answer, people engage in family planning, and I don't think anyone needs a woman to discuss it
Kashrut: Most MO women seem to live on take-out or simple recipes. If they have a Kashrut question, the gender of the Rabbi doesn't matter.
Shabbat: Same as Kashrut.
Taharat Hamishpacha: this is the big one where there is talk of needing a woman... probably true... However, there is a Mikvah attendant, and while she lacks Rabbinic authority, I'm not sure that matters. Women either go to the Mikvah or don't, if they do, and they have a question, they'll ask the Mikvah lady, or they won't, or they'll ask a friend, or a Rebbetzen, or whoever they want.
The issues you worry about simply don't matter in MO circles. Women are either dealing with small children and the impact of life, school-aged children and the financial burdens, or their grandchildren. They simply aren't worrying about the things that you worry about.
Either their husband goes to Minyan in the morning, in which case she's worried about getting her kids out the door solo, or her husband doesn't go to minyan in the morning. She's really not worrying about what he says during the morning blessings.
With a small caveat, there are definitely women I know that are dissatisfied with their lack of ritual options within Orthodoxy. Most have accepted it because their husbands are interested, and they find other outside interests beyond religion.
The young women with these issues have found other things to worry about. The older women that have these issues aren't clamoring for their Shul to hire a 25-30 year old female Rabba.
JDub, it’s probably true that my view of the Orthodox community is skewed because it’s based mostly on my Internet exposure and what I’ve seen as a New York City resident. That said, I’m sorry to hear that opportunities for Maharatot and similarly-qualified women are so limited.
I regret that this post was perceived as “Orthodox bashing,” and apologize for any offense that I may have caused. My purpose in publishing this post was simply to speak from my perspective as a woman.
“For that matter, you don't really affiliate with anyone.” Sadly, that’s true. The more observant I’ve (tried to) become, the more I’ve found myself isolated from the majority of my own Conservative community. I’m now in the socially-awkward position of being more observant that almost all of my family and friends. (We’re skipped so many barbecues because we won’t eat meat during the the Nine Days that our friends no longer bother inviting us.) It really is a pity that I don’t feel comfortable enough with the Orthodox approach to jump camp, but I no longer see that as a possibility. I’m even more of a “fringe-dweller” now than I was when I named this blog, and expect to remain that way.
"I think it is courageous what Rabbi Avi Weiss is doing, and I wish him luck, because when the current MO institutions collapse (like is happening now to Conservative Institutions), he'll have hopefully built a new replacement infrastructure there."
The Modern Orthodox camp, too? Sadly, that's already made the news. See http://www.thejewishweek.com/news/new-york-news/rca-facing-leadership-challenge. (Sorry, link's being stubborn.)
As the RCA and Rabbi Isaac Elchanan Theological Seminary turn to the religious right, I hope that Yeshivat Chovevei Torah and the International Rabbinic Fellowship survive and thrive for those more interested in a Modern approach to Orthodox Judaism (rather than a "yeshivish" or Chareidi one).
"The issues you worry about simply don't matter in MO circles. Women are either dealing with small children and the impact of life, school-aged children and the financial burdens, or their grandchildren. They simply aren't worrying about the things that you worry about."
That may very well be true for most Modern Orthodox women, Miami Al.
When I spent a lot of time looking at this question, one of the people I talked with was Rabbi Micha Berger. He sums up a lot of what he told me in the comments to this article on the Times of Israel blog. I have mixed feelings about the article itself. As I reached the middle I found myself flashing back to the devil in The Witches of Eastwick. The end evoked my usual response "If women are so much smarter than men why are they not allowed to claim authority to use their intelligence on a wider scale?" Of course, Lois Bujold had the answer to that in Shards of Honor:
Man: Maybe we should let women run the world and let men take care of the babies.
Woman: Look what a mess you've made of the world. We can't TRUST you with the babies - it would be the end of the species.
Larry, here's my favorite comment from the post to which you linked:
"Baila Beatrice Brecher: " . . . I am happy to say my positive bracha every morning--sheasani kirtzono (in my head, and sometimes out loud, I add: sheasani isha!). Why is the men's bracha couched in negative words--sheLO asani isha? I think I'd prefer that instead of looking for a way to justify the insult that the Rabbi's would say, you know it is a little insulting, sorry about that.... "
As to the notion that men can't be trusted with babies, that may sound amusing, but, in my opinion, gender doesn't enter into the equation when it comes to being a good parent.
Hellow. As I am quiet new in Jewish, looking around for some Jewish information> Got something important here. Nice to get it.
Have you seen this video http://goo.gl/DT6FN It helped me get over my internal anger.
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